i hate fuzzy ambiguity.

well, to some extent it is necessary, but too much of it is a terrible thing.

i feel so very overwhelmed by my current housing situation. suddenly, and without much warning, i am forced to find a new option.

i find myself scouring facebook marketplace and craigslist trying to find a person or apartment that seems to fit me–but none does.

sure there are apartments that seem nice, and people that seem nice, but i’m having a lot of trouble finding a person whose goals and wants are closely aligned with my own. even more difficult is finding a person who has those things, and also wants to live in the same area that i do.

i don’t think that i’m being excessive or out of line, though. i’m just looking for something different that they are.

i suppose i want to live near downtown. i don’t need to live there. i don’t need to be able to walk to work, but i would like to be near it. i don’t want to drive 30 minutes to work each day.

i want to feel safe. i want to be able to walk to my car by myself at night.

i want a decent looking place. i want a slightly updated kitchen, because i know that if my kitchen is stuffed full of old dirty appliance, i’ll avoid it like the plague. and then i’ll find myself shoving ranch doritos and cheese sauce into my mouth on my bed while watching tbs re-runs. not good for anyone, really.

i want a decent sized bathroom. i like being able to turn around in there. i’m not sure why. i also would like my shower to be clean. i want to get clean in a clean space.

i’d like it to be in an area that is close to things. perhaps a grocery store. a restaurant. a local pub. whatever. i just don’t want to be in the middle of nowhere.

okay. that’s all that is really necessary. everything else is push and pull to get the right price/location/person.

is this too much?

is this too boring? yes. it is. here are some pictures from mexico to de-borify this post. enjoy.

our resort–the Royal Solaris

enjoying the pool

senor frogs

the beach!

 

okay, that will be all for now. g’day.

-jessica

 

Hold my hand
My fingers are cold.
Don’t say a word
Just hold me close.

schuyler fisk ~ be still

 

so i’ve lived in belleville at the same apartment for a year and a few months.  for the most part we haven’t had a lot of issues, for awhile our dishwasher wouldn’t drain…they fixed that..it doesn’t really clean dishes that well, but at least it drains.

it’s a nice place, big enough, clean, but a few months ago, this spot showed up in the hallway.  just a small spot of water.  at first i though maybe megan spilled something and forgot to clean it up.  whatever.  so it goes away, and a few days later it returned.  and i though, hmm, that’s weird.  and it went away again.  and then it came back, only bigger.

at this point we called the landlord and told her about the mysterious spot.  it’s in the middle of the carpet.  there is nothing leaking around it.  there is no leak spot on the ceiling–sort of baffling.

a month goes by, and nothing happens, except for that the spot continues to grow, and grow, and grow.  it’s right outside my bedroom, so i have to consciously avoid it in order to not step it in.  stepping in it is awful gross.

megan and i both called again, and i asked the landlord if someone had been out to see it.  apparently a guy had come by after our original call and done nothing….

so they came by the other day when i was home sick from work, the guy just looked it it.  touched the carpet, and left.  and now days later, it’s still getting bigger.

the worst part is that it’s started to get moldy.

i’m kind of worried about this spot as it is taking over my hallway, and with as wet as it is up here, i can’t imagine that the people below us aren’t affected.

i’m baffled.  and pretty sure it’s not a good thing.  but we won’t be living here much longer.

-jessica

Help me I’m just not quite myself
Look around there’s no one else there

the strokes ~ heart in a cage

 

this is extremely out of the ordinary, but i have been home sick all day and i’m bored out of my mind. so i would like to share a few things with you.

i have recently come across a few musical geniuses. i would like you to hear them. because they are amazing.

let’s start with city and colour

this is a solo project by Dallas Green from alexisonfire. he has a lovely voice, and the music is really laid back. just something to put on when i’m reading or working on something. or maybe driving. or really just any time. it’s pretty amazing stuff and i suggest you listen :)

this is what the website says about his 2nd cd “Bring me Your Love”:

“Every instrument used in the recording is “pre-loved”, vintage gear complementing the warmth and honesty of Green’s compositions - an intentional approach to capture the essence and intimacy of how records used to sound. Instruments and vocals were carefully recorded live off the floor, giving the songs depth and intimacy, and eschewing the cut-and-paste approach that is so common in today’s recordings. The album feels like a throwback to the days when an album’s thrills and beauty were found not just in exceptional songs and musicianship, but also in its blemishes and simplicity.”

it’s good stuffs.

next, i have recently fallen in love with the band called the alternate routes

good, in a different sort of way. more upbeat, i guess, but still really really good. i was reading about the band and it mentions that they were coming across hard times in respect to money and that the guitar player turned a $200 paycheck from a show into almost $2000 in one night at the casino. this allowed them to pay rent, finish the cd, and get breakfast at mcdonalds. i’m really glad this happened because

a) paying rent is important
b) i love this cd
c) mcdonald’s breakfast is my favorite breakfast and everyone should be able to eat it all the time.

anyway, try it out. my favorite song is “please don’t let it be”. just listen to it. you will like it too.

okay that is all for now.

i’m going to read and then fall asleep before 10pm ( i think )

this would mean i was awake for 10 hours. total. that’s not even close to a full day. but i plan on being bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow so that i may get things done then hang out with people i love/miss.

-jess

Sometimes I wonder why,
I’m so full of these endless rhymes
About the way I feel inside
I wish I could just get it right

city and colour ~ sometimes (i wish)

i had so much turkey this weekend.  i loveeee turkey.  it was nice to see my family and spend a little time at home.  i did, however, have to work friday and saturday, so i didn’t get a lot of down time.

i guess that’s how it goes when you’re old.

my birthday is coming up soon.  as i have probably mentioned a few times before.  on saturday, dec 1st, we will be going to a few locations in edwardsville.  it’s pretty much just anyone who knows me that feels like celebrating my birthday.  and if you’re just coming because you like going out, that’s fine too.  bring a friend!

it will be pretty low key, no big production involving st louis bars this year.  just a night on the town in happy little edwardsville.

beforehand my family is coming to town to have some dinner with me.  should be fun.  for my “early birthday party,” my parents DID purchase apples to apples for me.  i’m pretty pumped about.  we played for a bit, but my family members have attention spans shorter than mine, so it didn’t last long.  i want to play it, but sadly it requires more than 2 people, in fact, probably need at least 4 to make it work.

so if anyone wants to play….

i think i have found the guitar i would like to own.  it’s a takamine (like my current guitar) and it is beautiful.  i know some folks don’t like a non-natural finish on an acoustic, but i prefer it.  i think acoustics all look so boring.  so here is what i want.

alrighty, well, i need to make this apartment look presentable before megan gets home so she doesn’t kick me out onto the street in the cold!

-jessica

When I hear beautiful music it’s always from another time
Old friends I never visit, I remember what they’re like
Standing on a doorstep full of nervous butterflies
Waiting to be asked to come inside
Just come inside

Bright Eyes ~ Lime Tree

so tonight i realized i was bored…at 6pm.

i spent the entire day, dying to leave work, and when i finally got home, i had nothing to do. i wanted to go out for dinner, and maybe have some drinks, maybe go look at guitars, but i didn’t want to do any of those things alone, and thus, after some pathetic attempts to find someone to hang out with me, i decided that i would scrapbook.

i’m not a scrapbooker…by the way. i don’t have the patience. the fact that i now have 2 pages done, doesn’t mean much. it really just means that i wasted 2 hours of my life. i suppose they look okay. and maybe someday i’ll look back on them and say “wow, looks like we had a great time in florida back in 2005″

actually i’m saying that now. that was a fun trip. a little conflict-ful at times, but fun, nonetheless.

some highlights:

• the blanket fort
• kerplunk (as a drinking game)
• a hot tub on the roof
• a 2 headed shower with a bench
• my own room
• movie night with evil dead 2 (check it out if you want to see a movie so horrible it’s actually funny)
• sunsets on the beach
• game night
• outlet mall shopping
• the hookah
• being with 9 friends for a full week
• hide and seek…in the 3rd floor bathroom

i actually just miss college a lot. i miss being so close to so many people all the time. it takes such effort to get together these days. i really took it for granted. but i couldn’t possibly stay there forever.

i’m really excited for thanksgiving. i just want to see my family and my dogs. and just chill out. i haven’t chilled out a lot. i feel always on edge. and anxious. and tired. maybe it’s because i’ve been sick and had a lot going on.

i think i’ll make some food for thanksgiving this year. i don’t know what yet. something easy. that i can make the night before. because apparently in vandalia it’s really cool to go out the night before thanksgiving, and because it’s the thing to do..i just do it. i think my little sister is coming this year too. which is nifty. she’s fun.

we’re going to have a margarita night soon. if i ever go to edwardsville again. or maybe she should just come here because she never comes here. ever. i’m relatively sure she still hasn’t been here…

she doesn’t even KNOW how cool it is here.

sometimes i call her and make her go shopping with me. she usually goes. we usually don’t buy much…we just waste hours in the mall. usually eat some food. she usually owes me money afterwards. she waits long enough to pay me back that i forget, and she actually never pays me back…

it’s okay, i guess. company is a good thing when shopping. i hate shopping alone. i hate doing most things alone. i think i’m a pretty social person, but i don’t like to talk to strangers at the mall. and depending on what i’m wearing, the sales ladies MIGHT choose to talk to me. more often than not, the ignore me. i go to stores like the limited where they are apparently too cool to talk to me (as i often look like i’m 14, and 14 year olds are worth their time, i guess)

it’s amazing how much more attention i get if i’m dressed up.

i should always wear a suit to the mall. the customer service would increase i’m sure.

customer service is one of my pet peeves. i can’t understand how a sales person would ignore a perfectly good customer just because they aren’t wearing the right clothes or look too young. i just figure, no matter what, treat the customer well, sometimes they will surprise you.

apparently that is not universal.

whatever. they ALWAYS smile at mcdonalds.

over the weekend i did see some college friends. in fact, i saw a LOT of college friends. i walked into melissa’s apartment to see a plethora of people flooding the smallish living room. and people i was happy to see. except the 2 girls i didn’t know. i might have been happy to see them if i had known them, though.

i love exchanging stories and laughing with friends i haven’t seen in awhile. and it was fun. good clean fun. board games like catch phrase, and some other game..

it was good.

i would really like to play mad gab sometime though, the commercials make it look pretty good, in my opinion. i’m just pretty sure we’d have a lot of fun if we played it.

OH and have you ever played apples to apples? maybe this is nerdy of me, but it’s just a purely awesome game. everyone should own it. i seriously almost buy it every time i’m at target. (christmas/birthday idea, mom…stef…abby…does dad blog yet…??)

just sayin.

once my mom was discussing how a lot of asian men blog, and my dad, who seemed to be preoccupied, chimed in with “if i was an asian, i would blog”

i almost died.  if you knew my dad, you might also find this humorous.

i also want a new camera. my nikon died. yes, died. she no longer functions. i knew it would happen eventually, i just didn’t think it would be so soon, i just wasn’t ready yet. so i was thinking i’d get another nikon. perhaps a step up…D40??

professional style, baby.

i’m just not sure if i’m ready to drop those large bills on it yet. i might save a little longer, think about it, see if the price goes down, see if another company comes up with something better, something even MORE user friendly. it’s not about the mega-pixels, folks, it’s about the entire package. and i feel like the d40 might be it. at least for now.

i have gotten a camera for christmas every year for 3 years. i’m not sure i’m ready to break that pattern yet.

hint, hint.

lastly. there is a ring i might purchase. it’s the last one at helzberg. now, really, i’m not a ring person. i’m not an expensive jewelry person, but when i saw this ring, i just knew it had to be mine.

only problem is, it’s $250. for a ring. something i might just lose. not on purpose, of course. anyway, it’s a diamond treble clef. it’s turned sideways. i swear it’s cute. and discreet. nice.

i’m afraid it’s going to disappear for forever, but i’m also afraid of spending that much money on it…

ugh. decisions, decisions.

i used to think decision was a difficult word to spell. i always messed it up, but never really took the time to see how it was actually spelled and remember it. i know now. but i used to have this thing for the band soul decision (give me a break, i was 16), and i could never spell their name.

i grabbed the lead singers foot while he was performing. i might have grabbed his hand instead, but he was too cool to lean over and offer a paw, so i had to settle for what i could get.

i saw shaggy that night (yeaaaaah, “it wasn’t me”)

it’s not something i’m proud of, but it’s a legitimate part of my past that i wanted to let you in on.

anyway, i feel as if the rambling has continued for far too long tonight.

happy thanksgiving everyone. i hope the holidays find you well.

-jessica

 

 

I’m not lonely
But I’m all alone
I’m trying to go to sleep
But I can’t go to sleep
I lie awake with
Colored lights and ideas
Stacked up high
Where’s the diamond in my
Messy mind?

New Buffalo ~ Time to go to Sleep

so

lucky me, i’ve managed to catch the flu. this is day 4 of it’s loveliness. day 3 was the most tragic. a perfectly good saturday, wasted away in bed.

i awoke yesterday morning with a fever of 104.9. i realized how terrible that is, but i also realized how very expensive a trip to the emergency room can be. so i decided that i would get the temp down on my own and hopefully avoid that whole experience. within an hour or so i was down to 103 where i spent the majority of the day. yayyy.

i slept. watched a lot of movies. played the sims 2. read. made play-doh animals. the usual.

anyway–i wanted to share some of our creations with you, but once again, i find myself with little to do.

 

 

so, it’s practically a zoo here. playing with play-doh made me feel like a kid again.  megan made the dinosaur.  i made the elephant and the zebra.  zebras are hard to make, i’ve noticed.

by the way, did you notice what an incredible day it is? beautiful weather, perfect fall day. and i am stuck, laying down, doing nothing. i want to go for a run through the rich neighborhood, but i need to get better.

good news, though–i don’t have to work tomorrow. thank goodness for holidays that almost no one but the bank celebrates. can’t skip class on veteran’s day, but you probably better skip the bank because it is CLOSED :)

lovely!

so i suppose i’m going to move on to my next pointless task. perhaps i’ll work on my christmas wish list (it will be short, as usual), maybe i’ll take a nap, i might make another play-doh animal. maybe a giraffe, i have a lot of orange left…

oh man, i’m bored.

okay, have a good day. go outside. play in the leaves. have a bonfire. do something fun.

-jess

We all go ’round and ’round
Partners of lost and found
Looking for one more chance
All I know is,
We’re all in the dance

feist ~ we’re all in the dance

i finally finished a loaf of bread before it turned green.

spectacular!

oh and i have the flu.

maybe good news in the near future.

-jess

over clouds and through the sky
to find a place that we can hide
and close our eyes this time
it’s all inside

through this journey
we can see all the trees
their changing leaves
this safe place where we can hide away

the album leaf ~ writings on the wall

my roommate and i decided that in order to take advantage of the beautiful weather we’ve been experiencing here in the midwest lately, we should take a quick walk through belleville suburbia.

we always talk about the beautiful houses and how we will most likely never obtain enough funds to actually own one so expensive.

we discuss our careers and our futures and talk about our days at work.

these are always fun times.

tonight megan grabbed her extra key instead of taking the one off her keychain. it was the one her ex-boyfriend had given back to her recently and since it wasn’t connected to her keys, it was easier to grab.

we didn’t think much of it until we returned from our journey. the key..it just didn’t work. we pushed and pulled but it wouldn’t budge. so it’s 8:30 pm, and we’re locked out, standing in the dark, considering what we should.

we are relatively convinced that jarrett gave back the wrong key. but he is in alton and very much working. so he couldn’t exactly bring it to us. plus, we didn’t have a phone.

after a few moments of decision making, we decided to visit the nice elderly woman next door. she always smiled, though i had never spoken a word to her.

as she opened her door in her nighty, she peered out cautiously. apparently no one ever told her not to answer her door at night, but at least we are not rapists. i suppose we look non-threatening enough.

nancy was very kind to us. she let us use her phone, and she let me wish my hands–the frog i found on the way home, todo the frog..or frodo, as we lovingly called him..(we can’t afford to keep a dog here) had peed on my hand during our walk home.

she was kind. and obviously very angry with the management around this place, but still kind. as it drew closer to 9pm we had to say goodbye to nancy as I felt we were keeping her awake. so we sat outside of the apartment and waited. megan had gotten ahold of her sister at McKendree who had agreed to drive from there to pick us up and then drive us to Alton (she is also very kind)

so we’re just waiting outside. chatting. sitting on my car. we meet another neighbor, his name was drew. he was probably 30 or so, he seemed completely harmless and actually came back out to “get something out of his car” but i’m relatively sure he was checking on us. making sure we didn’t get shot or stabbed. good fellow.

at some point I decided we should look into the prospect of climbing up the balcony. this is not advisable. it’s like 12 feet up. and probably covered with spiders. and even then, the door was locked so, it probably would have been all for not.

finally after what seemed like an hour ashley showed up with some good news.

the key actually works.

what?! how.

no way.

so we head back over to the door, apparently you have to jiggle it.

we we jiggled, and pushed. nothing. so finally i give the stupid thing a try and if you do it JUST right, it slides right open. yep.

so we had the key the whole time.

right there.

oh, and when i went to the balcony door—it was unlocked.

i’m prettttty sure i could have stolen the neighbors lawn chair and MAYBE shimmied up there.

but i guess it’s alright. we met some neighbors. and chilled out without the tv drowning out the conversation.

these things do happen for a reason!

and then i scared the living daylights out of megan. i snuck around the corner–just like i used to do to my sisters when we were little–they always hated me for that.

then i remembered this game my sisters used to play when we were little and at home during the days in the summer

it was called mommy monster.
basically my mom would sneak around the house like a t-rex or some other creepy animal and scare the crap out of us. high-pitch screaming always filled the house. it was always so fun to be so terrified.

i had totally forgotten that game until tonight!

i miss when mommy monster was the most exciting part of my day.

cards/cubs game this saturday. i’m pretty excited!

-jess

Oh beautiful smiles, won’t you stay awhile
We could close the door and sleep all day
It’s a September sky with pretty pictures in my mind
That’s lost its feeling of so afraid

Everything is beautiful here
It’s spinning circles around my ears
I’m finally breaking free from fear
And it’s fading

neutral milk hotel~everything is