i hate fuzzy ambiguity.

well, to some extent it is necessary, but too much of it is a terrible thing.

i feel so very overwhelmed by my current housing situation. suddenly, and without much warning, i am forced to find a new option.

i find myself scouring facebook marketplace and craigslist trying to find a person or apartment that seems to fit me–but none does.

sure there are apartments that seem nice, and people that seem nice, but i’m having a lot of trouble finding a person whose goals and wants are closely aligned with my own. even more difficult is finding a person who has those things, and also wants to live in the same area that i do.

i don’t think that i’m being excessive or out of line, though. i’m just looking for something different that they are.

i suppose i want to live near downtown. i don’t need to live there. i don’t need to be able to walk to work, but i would like to be near it. i don’t want to drive 30 minutes to work each day.

i want to feel safe. i want to be able to walk to my car by myself at night.

i want a decent looking place. i want a slightly updated kitchen, because i know that if my kitchen is stuffed full of old dirty appliance, i’ll avoid it like the plague. and then i’ll find myself shoving ranch doritos and cheese sauce into my mouth on my bed while watching tbs re-runs. not good for anyone, really.

i want a decent sized bathroom. i like being able to turn around in there. i’m not sure why. i also would like my shower to be clean. i want to get clean in a clean space.

i’d like it to be in an area that is close to things. perhaps a grocery store. a restaurant. a local pub. whatever. i just don’t want to be in the middle of nowhere.

okay. that’s all that is really necessary. everything else is push and pull to get the right price/location/person.

is this too much?

is this too boring? yes. it is. here are some pictures from mexico to de-borify this post. enjoy.

our resort–the Royal Solaris

enjoying the pool

senor frogs

the beach!

 

okay, that will be all for now. g’day.

-jessica

 

Hold my hand
My fingers are cold.
Don’t say a word
Just hold me close.

schuyler fisk ~ be still

 

it is really starting to feel like summer now

i went to my first cardinals game of the year

shorts are now acceptable apparel without getting that weird look

we grilled some hotdogs tonight

it’s good stuff!

as far as the job is going, i feel much busier than I used to. it’s very different, but i really enjoy the environment, the people, the overall concept. it’s good stuff too.

so i don’t know if i told you, we’re going to mexico this summer. i’m super pumped. some of the details are still a little fuzzy, but we know the dates and place.

it’ll be so nice to just relax for a week–surely i’ll be in need of a vacation by august.

i’m also doing a short weekend trip to Chicago in july (i think) actually..for 4th of july. staying near navy pier, seeing the fireworks, shopping, very exciting!

things are good. they are busy, but good.

i’m sorry if you haven’t heard from me in awhile…hopefully i’ll soon become accustomed to this schedule that doesn’t allow for much sleep and even less free time.

i think i’m having a luau soon. i have lei’s, grass skirts, hawaiian music. yep. it’s gonna be a good time. when i finally get around to planning the silly thing, a facebook invitation will surely go out.

-jess

what if i stopped
just for a while
to see where the sun goes
still up the night
just for a while

the bird and the bee ~ spark

i look like a zombie. it seems i have acquired some type of allergic reaction which has caused my undereyes to glow red. it’s really awful.

and my eyes just hurt because the area around them is so swollen.

i’m not sure what has caused this, but it makes me very unhappy.

i’ve tired cucumbers, various lotions/gels, ice water, and a wet rag. luckily, the swelling went down, but the redness stays.

i feel very self-conscious.

oh well. i bought some pretty heavy concealer, and it seems to do the trick.

i just wish it would go away. i look like a creeper. a drug addict, maybe. or someone that never ever sleeps.

in other news– some exciting things have been happening, that i don’t want to talk about yet, as to not jinx them. but as soon as i know, i’ll let you know.

L.A. was nice. it was good to get away. it was great to see Micah. it was wonderful to feel like a kid again at Disneyland. it was perfect to get lost in the rides. it was exciting to feel weightless. it was peaceful on huntington beach.

it was good to get out of the suits and into a sundress (plus a sweatshirt, it was cold)

it was beautiful there.

i experienced the best frozen yogurt ever.

yogurtland.

it was amazing. so many flavors and toppings. the best part was, you just walk in, get a cup, fill it with whatever of 10 different kinds of frozen yogurt you would like, then you pile on toppings YOURSELF, so if you want a cup full of cookie dough and oreos (or strawberries and kiwi), you just pile away.

then they weigh it. it’s a pretty sweet deal.

long beach is great.

i recommend going there if you’re in so cal.
i guess i shall post some pictures for you. just don’t steal them and pretend they are you at a gaming website. that’s dumb.

-jessica

 

Soon all the clouds will disappear,
And leave just you and me.
‘Cause a little bit of sunlight is all that I want from you,
A little bit of sunlight,
Is all that I want

the kinks ~ a little bit of sunlight

So, L.A. I’m here! We got in late on Saturday night. We’re staying close to the airport. It’s not exactly the glamorous part of Los Angeles, but it’s not a bad area.

We rented a car. It wasn’t expensive as we thought it would be, in fact, we decided to go with the GPS (because we all know how MY directional skills can sometimes be :)), and they didn’t even charge us for it. I’m pretty much a fan of Enterprise now. They have my loyalty. Plus they were super nice and he let us pick whatever car we wanted.

I highly recommend them.

So….it’s cold here. It’s like….60 degrees. Even colder by the water. Ugh. No tan for me. It’s ALMOST record lows. We did hit the beach yesterday, though. We went to Santa Monica Pier, walked around, played in the water a little. Then we headed over to Beverly Hills to get lunch and shop a little. I bought some new flats. They’re nice.

Beverly Hills was okay. It’s mostly just a lot of expensive stores that I can’t even begin to afford at this point in my life.

The area was beautiful, though. Just amazing houses, palm trees, shiny cars. Good stuff.

I don’t think I would ever want to live here, though. While L.A. certainly has some nice parts, it’s too big. Too much activity. Too commercialized. I’d rather live somewhere more laid back….

Plus it’s expensive here!

We also went to Hollywood yesterday. We probably didn’t spend enough time there, though. I think we might be going back on Wednesday morning. Hollywood had a lot of weird stuff. Weird shops. Hooker boots. People dressed up. It was interesting! We went to the Wax Museum, had dinner at a pretty nifty restaurant, did a little shopping (I bought a VERY cute black dress).

I haven’t seen any movie stars yet….frankly, I’m not sure if I care to. I don’t know what I’d do….watch them walk by? Maybe I’d tap into my inner paparazzi and snap a few shots.

Today I’m meeting up with an old friend from grade school. We used to date in 2nd grade, haha. His name is Micah Rush–I haven’t seen him in about 8 years or something excessive like that…I’m pretty excited!

Anyway–my initial response to L.A. is still sort of iffy. We still have a few more days though…and Disneyland!

-Jessica

California…knows how to party
In the citaaay of L.A.

tupac ~ california love

 

 

…guess who will be in L.A. in just one week…

 

 

 

 

Los Angeles, I’m yours.

~the decemberists

i mean like, really grow up. i know i’m an “adult” now. i have a real job. i am done with school. all the good ages have passed. i think that once you hit 21, the things you look forward to change drastically.

when i’m 25, i can rent a car without paying insane insurance fees. wwwooooah.

right now i feel like life is on hold. but i’m still getting older, as are my family and friends. i still feel like i’m stuck in the college schedule. sleeping late, eating bad food, living with a roommate, rent…..

i want to live with a husband, cook meals, live in a house, pay a mortgage….

go on couples vacations. i’m not ready for children yet, but someday i will be, and i can’t get there from here directly.

i’m sick of the college stage of life.

weird.

i wish i owned a house in colorado. and one somewhere warm. by some body of water. and at least one of my residences would have a large window facing a city skyline.

and there would be a big leather couch. and a big hdtv. and probably a wet bar. and a hot tub.

that probably won’t happen any time soon (if ever).

but i guess if i work hard enough, i can do at least some of the things i dream about doing. i could travel.

if someone offered me a job that was 75% travel. i would take it. because i just want to see everything. and meet everyone. and go to coffee shops i’ve never been to before.

i would get a better phone plan.

and i would add more text messages so that i don’t go over my limit every month like i do now. i think i would also get a new phone. because i need my phone and my calendar to be the same. as much as i love google calendar, it doesn’t do me any good if i’m away from my computer.

i want to get stressed out from time to time.

i want to work late because i HAVE to in order to finish a project.

i want weird things.

and i want to go to breckenridge.

-jessica

I get so distracted
By some peoples reactions
That I don’t see my own faults
For what they are
For what they are

 

At times so self destructive
With no intent or motive
But behind this emotion,
There lies a sensible heart

 

city and colour ~sensible heart

i’m so sick of illinois.

it’s freeeezing cold

but it almost never snows

just an annoying frosting of ice on my windowshield that makes me late for work every morning.

the landscape is NOT pretty

ever.

not even in the spring.

i want so very badly to relocate myself. to some other state with a different type of people. maybe i’ll go south, i hear people are more patient there (we could DEFINITELY use some of that around here)

mostly i just want a change of surroundings, i think. there isn’t a lot to do here. i want vacation sooo badly, and it isn’t until August. i’d leave tomorrow if i could.

i miss colorado. and florida. and germany. and every other place i’ve ever been (which isnt’ really a lot…)

I just want to experience different things before i get too old to do it. i want to see if i can make it in a new place. surely i’d make friends in time. not that i wouldn’t miss the ones here, because i really would.

i’d miss my family, too, which is why i know that someday i’ll be back here no matter what happens. the midwest will always be my home, but i would like to try something different for awhile.

but this probably won’t happen.

i’m just keeping my eyes open, though.

-jess

I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town,
to leave this all behind…

augustana ~ boston

so the other day while a co-worker and i were enjoying our lunch at Jefferson’s, we noticed a table of people, approximately my age causing a lot of commotion. the good kind, of course.

they didn’t look like belleville kids because, for the most part, people in belleville are old, or in high school. you don’t really see the college age crowd so much. probably because they don’t exist here.

but anyway, they are taking lots of photos and, eventually, the newspaper shows up. my curiousity got the best of me. i had to see what they were doing here.

after some detective work (i asked), i discovered that they were on a mission to visit all 5 jefferson’s across the country in just 5 days. they are pretty spread out, so i would imagine it was quite the task. anyway–they have a blog about their journey.

http://www.quest4jeffersons.com/

the best part is that i’m in the blog. yep. i made it in there. a picture! and though i was clearly wearing my regions bank name tag, they decided i was a librarian.

i’m thinking of switching careers, anyway.

but check out the site, see the silly antics of the 7 crazy college kids, and have a nice evening!

-jess

through this journey
we can see all the trees
their changing leaves
this safe place where we can hide away

the album leaf ~ writings on the wall

so i’m officially back. actually i was back saturday morning at 8 am. which is really awful, by the way. my sleep schedule is a joke right now. today i got up at 2 pm. after going to sleep at 5 am. on the up side, i spent last night with friends celebrating the holidays, watching Christmas movies, and just overall having a good time.

the drive home was brutal. ross drove straight through, which is impressive, i must say. i, however, felt the need to stay up for the entire 20 hours. this is never a good idea.

the drive home is never as fun as the drive there.

but, let’s see, i should talk about the trip. perhaps provide you with some good photos, maybe a video or 2. well, the trip was pretty awesome. colorado is a very nifty state. illinois doesn’t really compare. i’m pretty sure illinois wouldn’t hold up to almost any of the other states. except probably kansas, though. as i stated before, kansas is worthless. this fact was only reinforced on the long drive home.

so on tuesday i was doing really well with the whole snowboarding thing, gaining lots of confidence, much more impressive than day 1. then as i was trying to turn my board from heel side to toe side i fell backwards down the hill on my poor tail bone. which now hates me. it was a very painful experience which sent me home early on tuesday and completely killed wednesday.

but i wasn’t going to let it take me out for the whole week. i spent nearly all of thursday on the slopes (the green ones.) rocking out.

i’m not bad. i think this is something i will do again. i don’t know when, but it will certainly have to happen at some point. preferably before i get really old and am susceptible to broken bones as a result of low calcium intake from the age of 20 on.

i really don’t want to get old.

so speaking of old. i saw old man penis. against my will. we did something amazing on tuesday night. we went to the hot springs not far from our condo. i must say, the walk from the hole in the rock to the springs in a swimsuit was insanely insanely cold. but it would have been even colder if we had been naked–like many of the old men there.

now i’m not sure what provokes someone to let it just hang around out there in the freezing cold like that, but many old men found this to be a perfectly acceptable option. perhaps there was a feeling of freedom. or maybe they just like the exposure. not sure. but as i was sitting on the rock steps in the 100 degree water surrounded by pine trees, piles of snow, and rising steam, i was lucky enough to get a close view of one of the organs responsible for the X rating that should be placed on the location.

just flew right by my face. he could have put a warning out there for those of us who prefer to just close our eyes, but nothing, no warning, just a small bit of twig and berries, dangerously close to my head. he was bald, too, just for the sake of your imagination–just in case you were picturing some young hunk. i would never want to lead you astray in your fantasy. he was quite old.

but the hot springs experience, aside from that unfortunate event, was quite amazing. it’s so incredibly crazy that these wonderfully warm hot tubs just happen in the middle of a freezing cold mountain. it was probably one of the most relaxing things i’ve ever done. also, you could just reach over the rock wall to find a freezing cold river. just hanging out. right there next to the hotness. being all freezing cold. and some crazies chose to jump this wall and get a cold burst of, i think 45 degrees, then quickly return to the 100 degrees plus. this cannot be good for your body, but i guess it’s one way to get a rush. i won’t lie, i considered it, but as i put my paws in the water and realized just how cold it really was, i wimped out.

i’m just not that cool.

after 2 hours of wonderfulness, i somehow managed to get out of my suit and back into winter clothes without exposing myself, we headed back. just in the walk up the hill my hair froze. what a neat feeling. but my insides were still so warm from sitting slow-cooking for 2 hours. what fun! i loved it.

i should also talk about another first i experienced in colorado.
so far in my life, there has been a lot of talk about sushi, but never have i actually partaken in this dining spectacular. i wasn’t even sure what to expect.

before we go on, i feel we should review my eating habits…i rarely eat:

• any fish aside from tuna
• cow in any form
• things with weird texture…

i think i just knocked out every type of sushi, right there.

i was aware of this going into sushi, but i do like to try new things. i’m not opposed to giving it a whirl, i just had a bad feeling.

i snacked a bit before we left, having a strong feeling that i may not leave with a full tummy. i guess it wasn’t as bad as you might have guessed. i actually liked the first piece i ate. i someone convinced myself that it wasn’t actually eel rolled in rice with fish eggs on top. actually, they told me the orange was carrot—it wasn’t. the spicy tuna rolls, not my thing, too spicy.

the egg rolls–whatever they were called, these were good. i probably found them so delicious because they actually fit within the confines of my sharply defined preferred food categories.

the worst was the rainbow roll. i’m not sure what i was thinking. i could see the slices of pink fish packed in against the rice and the eel hanging out inside. my stomach rolled over as soon as i placed it on my tongue .

i do think i can/will eat sushi again, but i have complied a list of a few rules that might be used to guide me in a more appropriate direction, given my recent experience.

lesson one: don’t eat it if the fish is outside of the roll.

lesson two: spicy is probably not a good idea.

lesson three: purple haze? no thanks.

lesson four: strawberries and fish, not an acceptable union.

it wasn’t that bad, but probably not a new favorite of mine.

we did get a chance to go out once or twice, mostly to a local bar called the Tugboat. there were encountered the girl with the most annoying laugh in colorado. right there, just hiding out in the small bar!

i wonder if she knows she’s famous…

we also made friends with our bartender and listened to a pretty decent jam band. we could have seen them twice but i am a weeny and have difficulties staying up past 10pm.

once was enough, though, i guess.

so here’s another funny little story for you, because that’s why you read this, for the funny little stories.

upon leaving for colorado last weekend, ross informed me that we didn’t have any window shield fluid. this is never good in the snowy weather, but someone we didn’t think to put more in there.

it was passable until the drive home where the muddy window suddenly became unbearable and treacherous. as we’re soaring down an icy mountain road it quickly becomes apparent that visibility, as a result of a dirty window shield, is nearly nonexistent.

there are no exits for us to take and purchase fluid. so i, being the queen of creative ideas that create large messes, but usually eliminate the problem (that is my exact title, mind you), quickly made the decision to sacrifice my diet pepsi from A&W (not the barbecue place, though).

at 50 miles an hour, in a tunnel beneath a mountain, i reached my arm out the window into freezing cold and tossed a diet soda on the window.

totally worked. except my arm was covered in soda. and so was the right side of the car. and the soda later froze on the corners of the window. and i no longer had a soda (which judging by the frequency of my bathroom breaks is a bad idea anyway)

however, the weather quickly won again and we were forced to spare another beverage. this time it was not diet, and therefore quite sticky. this one made an even larger mess and i somehow lost my touch and threw the bulk of it back into the car. whatever, we could see again.

then we finally get to a gas station. it’s freezing, it’s snowy, and it’s blowing all about, but ross braves the conditions and fills up that fluid tank…..wait…it’s full already….

how can this be? ross explains to me that it must be broken. oh no! what a disaster!

wait, let me try–oh it seems to be working, ross what have you been doing? oh that button with the window? what about that button right next to it with a window and what appears to be two sprays of liquid shooting on it??

for a very smart guy, ross has some moments.

so much easier just to use the window shield wiper fluid. and we didn’t have to waste anymore soda..!

i could tell a million more stories, but typing takes forever, so perhaps when we encounter each other in person, we can laugh about these and i can tell many more. or not, but i like telling stories, so maybe you humor me? maybe i’ll humor you.

merry christmas to you, by the way. and happy new years.

it’s almost 2008. i hope to make it a great year. i hope you are a part of it.

-jessica

And if you want it to be real, come over for a night, we can really, really climb
and those blue bridge lights might really burn most bright while we watch that dark lake rise.
And if you really want to see what really matters most to me, we can just take a real short drive.

okkervil river ~ for real

10am

we’re almost to colorado now, finishing up the final leg of kansas. Kansas is really long, and really boring, by the way. The weather has been a huge pain in the butt so far on this journey.

Last night upon leaving we could really only drive 35 mph at most. Very dangerous stuffs. After we got out of the stl area though, it slowed up and we could drive the speed limit. I actually haven’t driven at all yet, I was planning on taking part of Kansas but about halfway through we realized just how bad they had gotten it. Everything is just coated with a sheet of ice and most of the interstate is slippery. I don’t really want to drive in that and since I drive like an old woman in bad weather, i’m pretty sure no one else wants me to drive either.

 

So the other guy in the car, chad, he got a ticket this morning. Clocked at 91. probably going faster.. I must admit I feared for my life at multiple points in time, but so far we’re surviving.

The biggest issue so far was the lack of open gas stations when I felt I might explode. Finnnnnally, and oddly enough, at bunker hill, kansas, we found an open conoco. Thank goodness for trust stops.

 

I made friends with some girls in the bathroom. They are also on their way to colorado, but their drive is something like 6 hours total. They don’t even KNOW. 18 hours in the car—too much.

They are actually headed to Colorado Springs though. Our destination is Steamboat Springs. I have no idea where this is located on a map, and i’m really just taking the guys word for it that we’re going the right way.

 

I’m pretty sure this is why I bought a laptop by the way. Just so I could type and ride. AND listen to this greatness. I’m not carsick…..yet. But it’s been like an hour since I flipped this thing on and so far, I’m feeling alright. This is good news.

 

It’s pretty baron around here. Just some flat lands, farms, and lots of ice and snow. We attempted to stop at a gas station earlier (which was closed) and found some super sweet ice weeds. I think i’ll post a picture so you can see what I mean. But they were pretty nifty.

 

This morning I woke up after a short nap and it was just before sunrise over Kansas. It was very pretty. The skies are really clear and blue today. Thank goodness the storm is over. It was just really beautiful though, hills, and grass poking through snow dusted hills, the sun hitting everything from just behind the skyline. I liked it.

 

The rest of Kansas, though, very lame.

 

Last night we had a Hutson family gathering at Bunker Hill, IL. It’s always nice to see the family, get a few presents, and eat delicious food. Sadly, I was late. I got off work late yesterday and then couldn’t find any long underwear anywhere (it is apparently an essential item). Once I packed and my 35 minute drive turned into an hour and a half, I practically missed the whole thing.

However, my family loves me and they hid away some cheesy potatoes before they got eaten up. I’m not sure who makes those, but I think they should take a hint from the last 20 some years of celebrations where they disappear within 20 minutes and just make double portions :)

 

So it’s gonna be really great not to work next week. We have just been so busy as a result of conversion. It’s getting better though, and after a week away I should be superb.

We had an area christmas party on friday. That was a pretty good time. Free food and drinks and karaoke. I did a little dancing too, of course.

 

I really want to get there and take a shower. I feel pretty gross and I really want to lay down in a bed. This back seat, not all that comfortable.

Did I mention I only know one person on this entire trip?? Hopefully I’ll make friends quickly though….once I get some sleep I’ll be extroverted again and much less irritable.

 

9:30pm

 

we’ve been here since about 6pm. The drive was ohhh so long, 16 hours straight through. But the tail end of it was beaaautiful. We saw a sunset over mountains. So today, I saw a sunrise AND a sunset. And I only got about 2-3 hours of sleep. So at 930 I have every intention of putting myself to bed.

Tomorrow we’re on the slopes early, by 8 am I hear! Hopefully I won’t fall TOO much.

 

-jess

 

I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen

death cab ~ passenger seat