so it’s march

and it’s snowing

on sunday it was almost 80

and girls were wearing tank tops and at the mall (not me, though, because i found that to be a bit premature)

but nonetheless

girls were wearing little amounts of clothing.

and people were outside playing

and enjoying life.

then the next day

ice

and snow

and awfulness.

and now my car is a pile of ice and snow.

again

so now that i’m done complaining about the weather

google took away my page ranking

what once was 2

is now 1

i’m verysad

though i’m not really sure what the means.

my alexa score has stayed constant

so google should really rethink this decision, i think.

read this book:

Dale Carnegie’s Lifetime Plan for Success

perhaps the title sounds silly, but it’s actually quite wonderful.

my dad gave it to me.  highly recommended.

he’s a very smart man, with good opinions.

and a great beard.

-jessica

is filled with news about the weather

ice/snow/ice/snow

traffictraffictraffic crash.

i’m off today….because i have to work saturday. sometimes it’s nice to stay home on a week day. it’s like a happy little vacation in the middle of the week.

i bet it’s slow at the bank today. while many of our customers will brave any conditions to complain about their accounts, the majority will stay home. these are the reasonable customers.

this isn’t the end of this weather. i do not look forward to scraping my car tomorrow. at least there is not 9 inches of slow like last time. dress shoes and snow drifts around your car–these things do not mix well. i’m glad they say there is another 6 to 8 hours of sleet to look forward to. now, i would rather have this, this sleetly snowy mix, as opposed to some straight freezing rain we had last year that took out all the power and knocked down trees.

let’s hope it doesn’t get like that.

i’m moving to arizona.

not really–but they don’t get freezing rain there.

i’m not really sure what my parents were thinking when they settled here in the midwest. this weather is unacceptable.
perhaps you can sense my discontent. surely you understand if you have the unfortunate pleasure of living here as well.

the other day i went to see onerepublic, josh kelley, & the daylights, and i must say, i kind of enjoyed myself. i was surprised too.

jess

 

i honestly don’t believe i’ve been, don’t believe i’ve been alright
looking for all the stupid things, all the stupid things you’ll find
i don’t get it, i don’t get it right all the time

manna and quail ~ honestly

 

for the longest time i thought it was valentime’s day

it just made more sense to me. i couldn’t read, so what’s the difference?

what a holiday, right? people getting together and just loving each other. flowers, candy, cards, the works.

i suppose i’ve never had a “perfect” valentine’s day

it’s never been like the movies, or even how i imagined it would be. i’ve never been in a relationship that was in that perfect state (the one where nothing can bring you both down, everything is lovely and brilliant) on valentine’s day. there was always something hovering under the surface. something pretty large and i sometimes think that valentine’s day was that holiday that offered a little pick-me-up for a relationship that was feeling the strain of cold weather, ugly trees, and an icy coating over the earth (and perhaps one’s heart). let’s face it, almost no one is as happy in january as they are in may. it’s just not the way it works.

so i think, sometimes, valentine’s day can put off the inevitable. or maybe it’s just that little boost that can help a couple through the end of the winter into the summer months where love thrives.

maybe this is a terrible theory, but i’m sticking by it for now.

the problem with it, is that no matter how much money is spent, it’s just money. it’s just a beautiful vase of flowers that were terribly expensive that will die shortly. probably before february is even gone. the best things are the things that are unexpected and thoughtful.

i would rather have happy love and a long hug than expensive flowers and a strained embrace.

i would rather have someone show up with flowers they put together themselves (most likely mismatched because most men have trouble with these things) with a ribbon tied around them, than to have expensive roses/exotic flowers show up at my place of work that i can barely carry home.

i don’t know, flowers are always nice, though, either way, but it depends on the context in which they are given.

there is a slight feeling of sadness as you see another bunch of flowers delivered to your co-worker, but it’s only for a moment.

this year valentine’s day was just another day. i wore a red shirt to work without even thinking twice. maybe it was subconscious. maybe chance. but i blended into a sea of red co-workers, roses, and candy boxes. yay.
i miss elementary school valentine’s day. i looked forward to it for a month or better. planning what cartoon i wanted for my cards. if i wanted candy, or temporary tattoos, or stickers. i would decorate my brown paper bag in 3 colors: red, pink, and white. the rest of those colors could go dive off a cliff in february because i was only interested in three. my bag was covered in hearts of all sizes. for many of them i would fashion a sort of paper-accordion behind the heart to make it pop off the page.

then on valentines’ day, i gave everyone a card, because that’s the fair thing to do. some kids skipped the smelly kid’s bag, but i couldn’t do that. i always gave him a card too. and then he thought i liked him. shoot.

but i miss that. it was much less complicated back then. if you liked a boy, you gave him an EXTRA special card. maybe one of the big ones that came in the box (there are only a few, the others for you best friends and parents) to give a boy a big card was surely a sign of love.

this year the only big card i gave out was to megan.

and i literally gave her a big card. i decided to bring back some of my childhood memories and pass out the little cards. the ones you fold over and just write the to & from. maybe give them a sticker if you feel so inclined. i gave everyone in my office a card. and i must admit, i felt a little silly, but they were awfully cute and it brought a lot of smiles. as small as it is, i think it can make a difference in someone’s day…

or at least, i hope it did.

-jessica

Can you tell me can you tell can you tell
If there’s something better
‘Cause you know there always is
There always is

cat power ~ love & communication

i’m so sick of illinois.

it’s freeeezing cold

but it almost never snows

just an annoying frosting of ice on my windowshield that makes me late for work every morning.

the landscape is NOT pretty

ever.

not even in the spring.

i want so very badly to relocate myself. to some other state with a different type of people. maybe i’ll go south, i hear people are more patient there (we could DEFINITELY use some of that around here)

mostly i just want a change of surroundings, i think. there isn’t a lot to do here. i want vacation sooo badly, and it isn’t until August. i’d leave tomorrow if i could.

i miss colorado. and florida. and germany. and every other place i’ve ever been (which isnt’ really a lot…)

I just want to experience different things before i get too old to do it. i want to see if i can make it in a new place. surely i’d make friends in time. not that i wouldn’t miss the ones here, because i really would.

i’d miss my family, too, which is why i know that someday i’ll be back here no matter what happens. the midwest will always be my home, but i would like to try something different for awhile.

but this probably won’t happen.

i’m just keeping my eyes open, though.

-jess

I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town,
to leave this all behind…

augustana ~ boston

lately i’ve been feeling really lame as a result of heavy media consumption. particularly my television. i just turn it on for noise and then evenings escape me. and i’m lamer than the day before.

so.

as of tonight at about 7:30 pm, i have decided to unplug it.

this will continue for at least a week. i’m having some pretty serious withdrawals currently, but i think it’s better this way. my background noise is now some sweet tunes.

the glare on the screen won’t bother me now.

the hardest part was the pure silence that occurred as i settled in to a completely dead quiet empty apartment before i could get the laptop booted up.

i actually heard my neighbors (usually they hear me–they probably hate my guitar)

so that is my challenge. i feel i can succeed. perhaps if the next week serves me well i will continue. the hardest part is the first week, i hear.

the cold sweats will go away soon.

good thing the office isn’t showing new episodes. i would never make it.

i’ll keep you updated.

i cleaned my room today. for no apparent reason, other than to feel more comfortable in the place where i live. i tried to move the things that have just been sitting, like the box from my laptop and the pictures of trees that i purchased from old time pottery 2 months ago sitting in the corner. they look much better on my wall.

i feel like i have all these loose ends floating around. in my apartment. in my friendships. in my job. just floating about. they aren’t really bad loose ends…they just leave an unsettled feeling, making it difficult for anything to feel complete.

i realize it’s impossible to tie up every end, but it’s nice to try. it’s nice to see the floor in my closet. it’s nice to push the dust off some of things that i’ve been neglecting, too.

i’m not organized. i think i’d like to be. not TOO organized, though. i need lots of room for creativity. it doesn’t seem to occur that much in the confines of very particular organization.

breathing room.

too much clutter and too much disorganization though, that can kill you. it can stifle everything that could potentially be great. so many things to think about that none of them get enough attention to flourish. great ideas die and nothing succeeds.

happy medium, i hope for.

there’s a pile of empty orange tic tacs next to my tv. that’s another addiction of mine. my parents felt the need to break my dry streak and purchase quite a few very large boxes to stuff in my stocking. which i ate rather quickly. so quickly that some didn’t even make it in my mouth, i guess. i keep finding stray tic tacs around the apartment. megan too.

last night at the pet store i wanted to pet a ferret. the are tricky and fast. as i was petting one and conversing, the little furry beast flipped his head back and attempted to eat me ( i think)

however, i quickly pulled my hand back

straight into the overhang over the tank. and now the knuckle over my left index finger hurts considerably a lot.

i probably should have just let him bite me.

in an attempt to be optimistic, i feel i should mention that the sun is setting about a minute later each day. we’re on the way out of these awful dark short days. more light = more happiness. i cannot wait for the longest days. the warm ones when you can swim at night without shivering. shorts and flipflops. and maybe tents. i think i want more tents this year. please camp with me.

and boating and fishing and rollerblading.

ahhhh summer i miss you.

but we’re getting there, slowly.

i figure once the holidays are over the winter is pretty much worthless. we should probably skip jan and feb. march can stay. for now.

-jessica

At the edge of the rest of your life
At the end of a one way road
I was losing everything
And tonight may never shine
If you never open your eyes
I keep this heart right next to mine

the anniversary ~ the siren sings

10am

we’re almost to colorado now, finishing up the final leg of kansas. Kansas is really long, and really boring, by the way. The weather has been a huge pain in the butt so far on this journey.

Last night upon leaving we could really only drive 35 mph at most. Very dangerous stuffs. After we got out of the stl area though, it slowed up and we could drive the speed limit. I actually haven’t driven at all yet, I was planning on taking part of Kansas but about halfway through we realized just how bad they had gotten it. Everything is just coated with a sheet of ice and most of the interstate is slippery. I don’t really want to drive in that and since I drive like an old woman in bad weather, i’m pretty sure no one else wants me to drive either.

 

So the other guy in the car, chad, he got a ticket this morning. Clocked at 91. probably going faster.. I must admit I feared for my life at multiple points in time, but so far we’re surviving.

The biggest issue so far was the lack of open gas stations when I felt I might explode. Finnnnnally, and oddly enough, at bunker hill, kansas, we found an open conoco. Thank goodness for trust stops.

 

I made friends with some girls in the bathroom. They are also on their way to colorado, but their drive is something like 6 hours total. They don’t even KNOW. 18 hours in the car—too much.

They are actually headed to Colorado Springs though. Our destination is Steamboat Springs. I have no idea where this is located on a map, and i’m really just taking the guys word for it that we’re going the right way.

 

I’m pretty sure this is why I bought a laptop by the way. Just so I could type and ride. AND listen to this greatness. I’m not carsick…..yet. But it’s been like an hour since I flipped this thing on and so far, I’m feeling alright. This is good news.

 

It’s pretty baron around here. Just some flat lands, farms, and lots of ice and snow. We attempted to stop at a gas station earlier (which was closed) and found some super sweet ice weeds. I think i’ll post a picture so you can see what I mean. But they were pretty nifty.

 

This morning I woke up after a short nap and it was just before sunrise over Kansas. It was very pretty. The skies are really clear and blue today. Thank goodness the storm is over. It was just really beautiful though, hills, and grass poking through snow dusted hills, the sun hitting everything from just behind the skyline. I liked it.

 

The rest of Kansas, though, very lame.

 

Last night we had a Hutson family gathering at Bunker Hill, IL. It’s always nice to see the family, get a few presents, and eat delicious food. Sadly, I was late. I got off work late yesterday and then couldn’t find any long underwear anywhere (it is apparently an essential item). Once I packed and my 35 minute drive turned into an hour and a half, I practically missed the whole thing.

However, my family loves me and they hid away some cheesy potatoes before they got eaten up. I’m not sure who makes those, but I think they should take a hint from the last 20 some years of celebrations where they disappear within 20 minutes and just make double portions :)

 

So it’s gonna be really great not to work next week. We have just been so busy as a result of conversion. It’s getting better though, and after a week away I should be superb.

We had an area christmas party on friday. That was a pretty good time. Free food and drinks and karaoke. I did a little dancing too, of course.

 

I really want to get there and take a shower. I feel pretty gross and I really want to lay down in a bed. This back seat, not all that comfortable.

Did I mention I only know one person on this entire trip?? Hopefully I’ll make friends quickly though….once I get some sleep I’ll be extroverted again and much less irritable.

 

9:30pm

 

we’ve been here since about 6pm. The drive was ohhh so long, 16 hours straight through. But the tail end of it was beaaautiful. We saw a sunset over mountains. So today, I saw a sunrise AND a sunset. And I only got about 2-3 hours of sleep. So at 930 I have every intention of putting myself to bed.

Tomorrow we’re on the slopes early, by 8 am I hear! Hopefully I won’t fall TOO much.

 

-jess

 

I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen

death cab ~ passenger seat