damien rice ~ accidental babies

my guitar loves me right now. i play it all the time. i’m not sure what brought on this incessant need to play, but it has arrived and is taking over my life.

and i like it. i like that i’m trying not to suck. that’s really great news for me and everyone, i think.

my life is drastically different than it was 2 months ago. i do different things in my free time, i hang with different people, i go to different places, i eat different things, i ENJOY my job, i would have to say i’m generally happier.

i hope to move to st louis soon. for whatever reason i have this idea in my head that i should be living in the city in a loft with high ceilings and brick walls. i want to kill carpet cozy. i’m not sure what brought on this sudden for distaste intricate layouts, detached kitchens, and feeling safe at night, but i don’t want this anymore.

well, i want to feel safe at night, but i suppose i can bargain safety for style. haha. priorities.

mexico plans have been finalized, sort of. we won’t know where we are staying until the day we leave. this sort of uncertainty typically makes me feel rather uneasy, but right now i’m pretty chill about the whole thing. probably because i’m even going to mexico. i was a bit worried that the whole thing would fall through. it didn’t. let’s pray for good weather and minimal sunburns.

okay, i’m going to visit guitar center and visit my wish list.

i’d like to leave you with this piece of advice, however unsolicited it may be:

cheaters don’t deserve explanations.

-jessica

i’m way too high strung.

there are only 24 hours in each day. and i like to sleep for 7 of them. leaving only 17 hours to do the things i want to do. i have to work for . lunch for 1. commute for 1. get ready for 1. down to 6.

6 hours to make things happen.

i suppose 6 hours should be enough. except for that i don’t know what it is i want to do.

i can never decide what person i want to be. some days i want to be a singersongwriter. some days i want to be a photographer. some days i want to be a marketing expert. some days i just want to seem like an organized person.

sometimes i even like to pretend like i am a scrapbooker. i’m not really…

focus focus focus.

i can never seem to focus.

i want to have an exciting social life, too. but that, again, takes time out of the day…or really the 6 hours that are left.

sometimes i like to sit and listen to new music for hours. try to be a new music expert.

i can’t be an “expert” in anything because i want to do everything.

i don’t get how some folks can really truly focus on making one dream, one goal, come true.

i know that i don’t have to just do one thing, that a few is great.

but i hate that i can’t pick one thing to really push for. like it’s everything.

it could be rollerblading, for all i care, just that it’s something that i have a passion for. not 12 things i have a passion for that i can’t seem to be passionate about.

each day brings a different focal point. different people i want to spend time with. different activities i want to become good at. but all i really want to do is follow through on something.

i keep all my options open for as long as possible, but in the meantime, i’m missing my chance to be really great at something.

just mediocre at everything.

i suppose my hesitation to eliminate some of these time consumers is what is causing this problem.

this seems like an easy fix, but i experience cognitive dissonance at nearly every level of my life. after i eat tacos, i wonder if i shouldn’t have eaten a pizza. that would have been tasty, i think…maybe more tasty than the already tasty tacos. perhaps i made the wrong decision.

right now i’m attempting to narrow down my choices for some large purchases. i can’t buy everything. i can’t have a new camera, a new piano, a new guitar, new couches, a new bike, a mexican vacation, a dog.

i can’t have all of these things. but depending on my focus that day, each of these things seems like a good idea at one time or another.

i wonder if other people struggle so much on simple things.

i have also learned that being compulsive doesn’t help. thats how i end up with dyed hair, or tattoos. luckily i tend to dodge these bullets by putting the things that really seem like a great idea off for a day or so.

usually within a few hours it’s not such a great idea.

what an unfocused compulsive unorganized person i am.

maybe this is a good thing. maybe i’m a better, more well-rounded person because of it. that is, at least, what i’m going to pretend.

-jessica

You’re so stupid and perfect and stupid and perfect.

the bird & the bee ~ again & again

it is really starting to feel like summer now

i went to my first cardinals game of the year

shorts are now acceptable apparel without getting that weird look

we grilled some hotdogs tonight

it’s good stuff!

as far as the job is going, i feel much busier than I used to. it’s very different, but i really enjoy the environment, the people, the overall concept. it’s good stuff too.

so i don’t know if i told you, we’re going to mexico this summer. i’m super pumped. some of the details are still a little fuzzy, but we know the dates and place.

it’ll be so nice to just relax for a week–surely i’ll be in need of a vacation by august.

i’m also doing a short weekend trip to Chicago in july (i think) actually..for 4th of july. staying near navy pier, seeing the fireworks, shopping, very exciting!

things are good. they are busy, but good.

i’m sorry if you haven’t heard from me in awhile…hopefully i’ll soon become accustomed to this schedule that doesn’t allow for much sleep and even less free time.

i think i’m having a luau soon. i have lei’s, grass skirts, hawaiian music. yep. it’s gonna be a good time. when i finally get around to planning the silly thing, a facebook invitation will surely go out.

-jess

what if i stopped
just for a while
to see where the sun goes
still up the night
just for a while

the bird and the bee ~ spark

.my body hates me.

And I want to know my fate
If I keep up this way.
And it’s hard to want to stay awake
When everyone you need, they all seem to be asleep.
And you wonder if you missed your dream.

death cab for cutie ~ bixby canyon bridge

• tyler james ~ don’t leave

• erin mccarley ~ pitterpat

• death cab for cutie ~ steadier footing

• seabear ~ cat piano

• ryan lindsey ~ open late

• ray montagne ~ within you

• ryan adams ~ please do not let me go

• nada surf ~ blonde on blonde

• foo fighters ~ home

• johnathan rice ~ it couldn’t be me

• the kinks ~ strangers

• band of horses ~ is there a ghost

• william fitzsimmons ~ everything has changed

i like these.

your head’s in headlock
are you in trouble again?
now you’ve lost another friend
you felt something
but you’re never feeling loved

seabear ~ cat piano

so after the initial guess of 5.4 “they” decided it was actually a 5.2.

still.

well, after a brief moment of terror came a period of fascination

it’s all the world (at least in the midwest) was talking about

“did you feel it?!” “my dog woke me up” “it felt like someone was shaking my bed violently” “my starch fell right off my ironing board” “does my insurance cover earthquakes!?”

yes, quite the talk of the town.

we all love a small natural disaster to gossip about.

on sunday night i was once again jolted from my sleep by a rattling earth.

this time, however, i wasn’t fully convinced. i actually thought i had imagined it. my ceiling fan is shaking. but perhaps it’s the old folks who live above me. they do move about at strange hours.

so i called a friend. no, i’m crazy. back to bed.

megan, however, informed me in the early morning that it was, indeed, another earthquake. 4.5. not nearly as strong, but enough to be felt. enough to make you wonder.

these 2 earthquakes and all of the tremors came from the same area by west salem, il (close to evansville, in)

not right on the new madrid, but there is speculation, could this smaller earthquakes possibly trigger something in the earth’s plates that could cause the new madrid to react? could the midwest see another disaster like that of 1811/1812?

or maybe the earth is just letting go of some frustration. it does that every 20 years or so.

1968…..1987…..2008

these are the ones we’ve felt. (well not me, i wasn’t alive in 1968)

i guess i’m fairly confident that it’s not time for the “big one” yet.

i suppose only time will show us when this prophesized earthquake will finally hit, but for now, let’s hope the earth is just letting off a little steam.
-jessica

she had an earthquake on her mind
apparently the kind that would bury us alive
by putting all this weight on us forever

the used ~ earthquake

woooooooooooooahhhhh

so a few minutes ago (like 30)

i woke up to my bed shaking

my walls trembling

my pictures rattling.

and i was terrified.

only a few seconds, but enough to scare the crap out of my roommate and i.

i called my mom, to see if i was crazy…

i’m not, at least not about this.

but anyway, i’m wide awake, and watching the news.

checking out the 5.4. waiting for the aftershock?

they just said people felt it in Chicago.

i guess we’re just not accustomed this this sorta thing here in the midwest…

crazy earthquakes.

goodnight.

-jessica