lately i’ve been feeling really lame as a result of heavy media consumption. particularly my television. i just turn it on for noise and then evenings escape me. and i’m lamer than the day before.

so.

as of tonight at about 7:30 pm, i have decided to unplug it.

this will continue for at least a week. i’m having some pretty serious withdrawals currently, but i think it’s better this way. my background noise is now some sweet tunes.

the glare on the screen won’t bother me now.

the hardest part was the pure silence that occurred as i settled in to a completely dead quiet empty apartment before i could get the laptop booted up.

i actually heard my neighbors (usually they hear me–they probably hate my guitar)

so that is my challenge. i feel i can succeed. perhaps if the next week serves me well i will continue. the hardest part is the first week, i hear.

the cold sweats will go away soon.

good thing the office isn’t showing new episodes. i would never make it.

i’ll keep you updated.

i cleaned my room today. for no apparent reason, other than to feel more comfortable in the place where i live. i tried to move the things that have just been sitting, like the box from my laptop and the pictures of trees that i purchased from old time pottery 2 months ago sitting in the corner. they look much better on my wall.

i feel like i have all these loose ends floating around. in my apartment. in my friendships. in my job. just floating about. they aren’t really bad loose ends…they just leave an unsettled feeling, making it difficult for anything to feel complete.

i realize it’s impossible to tie up every end, but it’s nice to try. it’s nice to see the floor in my closet. it’s nice to push the dust off some of things that i’ve been neglecting, too.

i’m not organized. i think i’d like to be. not TOO organized, though. i need lots of room for creativity. it doesn’t seem to occur that much in the confines of very particular organization.

breathing room.

too much clutter and too much disorganization though, that can kill you. it can stifle everything that could potentially be great. so many things to think about that none of them get enough attention to flourish. great ideas die and nothing succeeds.

happy medium, i hope for.

there’s a pile of empty orange tic tacs next to my tv. that’s another addiction of mine. my parents felt the need to break my dry streak and purchase quite a few very large boxes to stuff in my stocking. which i ate rather quickly. so quickly that some didn’t even make it in my mouth, i guess. i keep finding stray tic tacs around the apartment. megan too.

last night at the pet store i wanted to pet a ferret. the are tricky and fast. as i was petting one and conversing, the little furry beast flipped his head back and attempted to eat me ( i think)

however, i quickly pulled my hand back

straight into the overhang over the tank. and now the knuckle over my left index finger hurts considerably a lot.

i probably should have just let him bite me.

in an attempt to be optimistic, i feel i should mention that the sun is setting about a minute later each day. we’re on the way out of these awful dark short days. more light = more happiness. i cannot wait for the longest days. the warm ones when you can swim at night without shivering. shorts and flipflops. and maybe tents. i think i want more tents this year. please camp with me.

and boating and fishing and rollerblading.

ahhhh summer i miss you.

but we’re getting there, slowly.

i figure once the holidays are over the winter is pretty much worthless. we should probably skip jan and feb. march can stay. for now.

-jessica

At the edge of the rest of your life
At the end of a one way road
I was losing everything
And tonight may never shine
If you never open your eyes
I keep this heart right next to mine

the anniversary ~ the siren sings