for the longest time i thought it was valentime’s day

it just made more sense to me. i couldn’t read, so what’s the difference?

what a holiday, right? people getting together and just loving each other. flowers, candy, cards, the works.

i suppose i’ve never had a “perfect” valentine’s day

it’s never been like the movies, or even how i imagined it would be. i’ve never been in a relationship that was in that perfect state (the one where nothing can bring you both down, everything is lovely and brilliant) on valentine’s day. there was always something hovering under the surface. something pretty large and i sometimes think that valentine’s day was that holiday that offered a little pick-me-up for a relationship that was feeling the strain of cold weather, ugly trees, and an icy coating over the earth (and perhaps one’s heart). let’s face it, almost no one is as happy in january as they are in may. it’s just not the way it works.

so i think, sometimes, valentine’s day can put off the inevitable. or maybe it’s just that little boost that can help a couple through the end of the winter into the summer months where love thrives.

maybe this is a terrible theory, but i’m sticking by it for now.

the problem with it, is that no matter how much money is spent, it’s just money. it’s just a beautiful vase of flowers that were terribly expensive that will die shortly. probably before february is even gone. the best things are the things that are unexpected and thoughtful.

i would rather have happy love and a long hug than expensive flowers and a strained embrace.

i would rather have someone show up with flowers they put together themselves (most likely mismatched because most men have trouble with these things) with a ribbon tied around them, than to have expensive roses/exotic flowers show up at my place of work that i can barely carry home.

i don’t know, flowers are always nice, though, either way, but it depends on the context in which they are given.

there is a slight feeling of sadness as you see another bunch of flowers delivered to your co-worker, but it’s only for a moment.

this year valentine’s day was just another day. i wore a red shirt to work without even thinking twice. maybe it was subconscious. maybe chance. but i blended into a sea of red co-workers, roses, and candy boxes. yay.
i miss elementary school valentine’s day. i looked forward to it for a month or better. planning what cartoon i wanted for my cards. if i wanted candy, or temporary tattoos, or stickers. i would decorate my brown paper bag in 3 colors: red, pink, and white. the rest of those colors could go dive off a cliff in february because i was only interested in three. my bag was covered in hearts of all sizes. for many of them i would fashion a sort of paper-accordion behind the heart to make it pop off the page.

then on valentines’ day, i gave everyone a card, because that’s the fair thing to do. some kids skipped the smelly kid’s bag, but i couldn’t do that. i always gave him a card too. and then he thought i liked him. shoot.

but i miss that. it was much less complicated back then. if you liked a boy, you gave him an EXTRA special card. maybe one of the big ones that came in the box (there are only a few, the others for you best friends and parents) to give a boy a big card was surely a sign of love.

this year the only big card i gave out was to megan.

and i literally gave her a big card. i decided to bring back some of my childhood memories and pass out the little cards. the ones you fold over and just write the to & from. maybe give them a sticker if you feel so inclined. i gave everyone in my office a card. and i must admit, i felt a little silly, but they were awfully cute and it brought a lot of smiles. as small as it is, i think it can make a difference in someone’s day…

or at least, i hope it did.

-jessica

Can you tell me can you tell can you tell
If there’s something better
‘Cause you know there always is
There always is

cat power ~ love & communication